Love and annoyance

Some days I have what can best be described as a love/extremely annoyed relationship with my life, and this mostly has to do with the fact that I have two young children. Sometimes I really get annoyed with my kids. And it isn’t their fault. It is mine for not having enough patience and having too many things that I need and want to get done. And I just love them to pieces so I am not unhappy with the fact that I have kids, I just want more time.

Right now I am only working half days in the lab. This is due to a couple reasons:
1. We can’t afford full time care for two kids, and
2. The kids and I don’t wake up until 7:30ish and I can’t get them and myself ready quickly enough to be anywhere before 10.
So I drop the kids off at 12:30, and I am in the lab by 12:45 or 1.

It seems intuitive that I would have enough time in the mornings before I drop off the kids to get things done around the house. This is simply not the case. Once I get Riddick settled, Trinity needs something, and vice versa. Plus I am trying to deal with the dog and getting myself breakfast and ready to go, and getting kids fed and ready. Needless to say, our mornings are hectic, and most days I feel overwhelmed.

I feel like I am making very little progress toward my degree because of the part-time daycare issue. I know that, eventually, I will be able to get more reading done at home when Trinity gets a little older and isn’t so dependent on mommy. But at this juncture in my graduate career, I feel like I need to be closer to at least getting a publication out. Perhaps I compare myself to other graduate students too much, especially those who do not have children. There are days when I don’t even get into the lab because I have to run errands that I simply cannot do with a bull-headed, independent, spirited 3 year old and an infant in tow. The balance (or lack thereof) of work and home really takes its toll.

Right now I think I will have to spend more time in graduate school to get finished, which is really not ideal. Not because of my home life, but because of the financial situation that would put us in. So in addition to the other worries in my life, I worry about this.

However, balanced with all the frustration and worry is the love part of my life. When I step back, take a deep breath, and just look at my life, I love it. My family is amazing (extended included) and I love them. I love where I live. I love my friends. I love what I do. And then I realize that I really do stress too much about stuff. I just need to take one day at a time and get done what I can and not worry so much about what I can’t.

Chemicals I Avoid/Public Service Announcement

At the request of a friend, I am finally posting about chemicals I actively try to avoid in my lifestyle.

The first is bisphenol-A, or BPA. This is the chemical our lab researches. This chemical makes up polycarbonate plastic, which used to be typical baby bottle plastic. Because of so much pressure from legislators, researchers, and parents, the major baby bottle companies are phasing out BPA-containing plastic for their products. This chemical is also found in the linings of aluminum cans (beer, soda, soups, vegetables, fruits, infant formula), recycled paper, carbonless paper receipts, windshields, eyeglasses, CDs, and dental sealants. This is not an exhaustive list. This chemical is a health concern because it behaves like estrogen. Hormones have very powerful effects, especially in small doses. BPA has been shown to have harmful health effects in animals that were exposed while still in the womb (obesity, neurological problems, reproductive problems, and many others).

This is where my obsession with avoiding chemicals started. I had no idea what I was putting on and in my body until I became a graduate student. Now it has snowballed and I check labels on EVERYTHING. To make matters worse, a new study came out showing that some food additives can be estrogenic. Awesome.

Here are some others:

Parabens
Linked to cancer, skin irritation, immune system toxicity, developmental and reproductive toxicity, and endocrine disruption; found in essentially every type of personal care product

Sodium Laureth Sulfate and sodium lauryl sulfate
Skin irritant, 1,4-dioxane is a contaminant; this is what makes your shampoo and toothpaste foamy

Antibacterials
I actually have never used antibacterial ANYTHING unless there wasn’t an alternative available (like if I needed to wash my hands at someone’s house and all they have is antibacterial soap). Use of antibacterials leads to superbugs.

Pesticides
Pesticides, along with lots of other types of chemicals, bioaccumulate, which means they get stored in fat, so they stick around for a long time in your body. They have harmful effects in the nervous system, immune system, reproductive system, and endocrine system.

Phthalates
Commonly called “fragrance” or “parfum”; in virtually every type of personal care product. Linked to immunotoxicity and neurotoxicity. There are lots of other phthalates, like dibutyl phthalate, that are linked to cancer, reproductive problems, and other organ system toxicity.

Flame Retardants
Children’s pajamas are treated with flame retardants. They cause neurological damage.

Commercially available cleaning products
Yes, there’s nasty stuff in them.

Environmental Working Group has a website dedicated to showing people what is in their personal care products: http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/index.php.

“Why should I care? I only use a little bit everyday” I can hear people asking. This is why you should care:

1. There are no regulations as to what chemicals the cosmetics industry can use.
2. There are no regulations that say those chemicals have to be tested for safety before they are released onto the market.
3. Study after study has shown that long-term, low dose exposures to many individual chemicals leads to chronic disease (cancer!). And on top of that, we are exposed to numerous chemicals on a daily basis.

Go to the site. You can look up personal care products you use or individual ingredients in your personal care products.

So these are things I do/plan to do to avoid these chemicals:
1. Buy organic produce.

2. Avoid canned goods if possible.

3. I use organic personal care products, like JR Watkins lotion, Yes To Tomatoes conditioner, Burt’s Bees lip balm, Burt’s Bees facial cleanser, Burt’s Bees soap. I no longer use shampoo. I use baking soda, and it works just fine. My hair looks great, and it is cheap.

4. I use olive oil on the kids’ skin. No more toxic baby lotions.

5. I check the labels on my kids’ pajamas to make sure they say they are not flame-resistant, or I buy snugly fitting pajamas because the snug pajamas aren't usually treated with flame retardants.

6. I plan on using baking soda to clean my children’s hair, and Burt’s Bees soap (or other organic soap) on their bodies.

7. I plan to make my own laundry detergent after the current bucket runs out.

8. I plan to make my own dishwasher detergent.

9. I plan on no longer using commercially available cleaning products. Vinegar, lemon juice, and baking soda work just fine.

10. I plan on using apple cider vinegar for conditioner after my Yes To Tomatoes bottle runs out.

So yeah, there’s a lot here to think about. There’s a lot of chemicals out there. And we are only beginning to find out the harmful effects of a fraction of them.

Sleep, how I miss thee...

I love my sleep. I have loved it since before I can remember. It drove my mother crazy that I like to sleep so much. Before I had kids, I would lounge around for hours on the weekend, drifting in and out of consciousness.

These days I am lucky if I get four hours uninterrupted. And I am exhausted.

Today, however, I feel better than I normally do. Trinity has been waking up between 6:30 and 7. Usually this wouldn't bother me, but since she isn't sleeping through the night yet, I feel completely exhausted getting up that early. This morning she work up around 8. And she laid in bed quietly, playing with her feet so her mama could get another hour of sleep. It was glorious.

When she wakes up that early and I am exhausted, I am frustrated that she doesn't sleep longer. But every morning when I finally open my eyes, she looks over at me and a beautiful smile comes across her face. Like she was just waiting as patiently as she could for me to wake up, and when I do she is so excited that I am awake so I can love her. And the frustration subsides.

Really, how can you stay mad at this face?

I can't remember when Riddick did that as a baby. Fortunately, he is young enough to still want his mama. On the weekends, I usually try to take a nap with the kids. Trinity and Riddick and I all pile into bed and go to sleep. Sometimes I wake up before Trinity does to find Riddick already awake, just laying there...waiting as patiently as he can for his mama to open her eyes so he can flash her his beautiful smile that says, "Love me, mama." And at that moment, everything is right in the world.

 Or this one?

The journalist and Clover's Natural Market

So my advisor was interviewed by a senior journalism major a short while ago about bisphenol-A (BPA) and the work he does/we do in the lab. I guess he suggested she contact me to find out what we do as a family to avoid BPA in our lives.  So she did.  Last week she was over to photograph me and Wayne making dinner and to record our conversation/me talking about BPA and other harmful chemicals I try to avoid (parabens, sodium laureth sulfate, phthalates, this list really could go on). Sunday she came with us grocery shopping. Yesterday I took a trip to Clover's. The reason I originally wanted to go to Clover's was to find a baby/toddler lotion without parabens and phthalates in it.  I mentioned this to Wayne a few weeks ago, but my experience yesterday solidified the fact that I really needed to go.

Riddick has horribly dry skin.  As in it cracks if left unattended. He also gets eczema on ocassion. I have been trying to make a habit of slathering lotion on him every morning, but with two kids and everything that needs done in the morning, this doesn't always happen, and when we get home, we make dinner, do some chores, and crash on the bed, asleep before we get there. When I do remember, I have been using a Huggies brand baby lotion on him.  Yesterday, I put the lotion all over him and put his clothes on.  Five minutes later he had HIVES. I had never actually seen hives on a person until yesterday. Red blotchy spots with raised bumps in the middle. I threw him in the tub and rinsed him off, and they mostly went away. The lotion went in the trash.

After I dropped off the kids at the sitter's I met the journalist at Clover's. I have never stepped foot in Clover's. Until yesterday. I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff they have.  You could really do all your grocery shopping there if you wanted to get all-natural products. Also if you wanted to go broke you should shop there, because there are some pretty pricey items.  But you get what you pay for. Anyway, the journalist started recording and taking pictures of me trying to sort through the selection of skin care products for kids. Really this takes a lot of time, because some products still have ingredients that I know are harmful even though they are in an all-natural store. It just so happened that a friend of mine who also has a baby and a thesis was there, so I asked her what she uses on her baby's skin. She uses sesame oil. What?!?! Sesame oil? How simple! Basically she told me anything you can put in your body can go on your body.  Soon after that a saleswoman noticed me and helped me find the section of the store that had oils to use on skin. They have a lot. And they are expensive. Like, $1 an ounce or more, depending on the oil. 

I decided to go ahead and put a small bottle of sesame oil in my cart and look around the store just to see what they had. They really have a lot of neat stuff. And you can get organic produce there for about the same price as the pesticide-and-herbicide laden produce at a regular grocery store. (Why does the organic stuff cost more at the regular grocery store?) Milk from hormone-free cows that have eaten pesticide and herbicide free grass bottled in half gallon glass containers: $2.99. Ouch. I think I'll have to stick with plastic gallon jugs for now (I'll probably post at some other time about my plastic-induced depression). Cereal, pasta, coffee, deodorant, shampoo, toothbrushes, granola, vegan stuff, potato chips, bread, jelly, salsa, diapers, wipes, cleaning supplies, laundry detergent...they really do have pretty much everything you could want.  For a lot more. So as I was looking around and examining ingredients on various products, I ended up talking myself out of buying the small bottle of sesame oil. I did, however, purchase a bottle of shampoo that is supposed to take care of dry, itchy, flaky scalp which I now have thanks to postpartum hormones and hard water (I will post a review of the shampoo in about a week).

After I finished at Clover's, I decided to swing by Schnucks to get some sesame oil.  I really don't want to pay more than $1 an ounce for oil. Sesame oil at Schnucks was less expensive than Clover's, but apparently sesame oil is fairly expensive compared to olive oil, which, incidentally, is the base for many all-natural baby lotions. I bought olive oil. If it didn't work, I could at least cook with it and I wasn't out a whole lot of money.

So I put olive oil on Riddick this morning. It was a little messy, but with practice I shouldn't get it all over the place. It seemed to work right away, it soaked into his skin well, it didn't stink, and I didn't have to use a lot of it. He didn't have an allergic reaction to it, it doesn't have any harmful chemicals in it, and it is less expensive than baby lotions. I think we'll try this for a week and then I will post again on how well (or not well) it works.

The journalist is coming back this week to formally interview us. More on that later.

My Fabri-Tac Experience

Recently I have discovered several clothing items that need mending. The problem with mending things in this house is that we don't have a sewing machine, so it has to be done by hand or with the steam-a-seam stuff unless it can wait until we visit Wayne's parents in Sturgeon so I can use his mom's machine.  Well, I didn't want to sew by hand or wait. And I have an item that can't be ironed, so I need a machine for it.  

I wanted to try the Mighty Mend-It that Billy Mays peddles on TV.  But I didn't want to pay $19.99 for it, and I didn't want bottles of the stuff collecting dust in my house if it didn't work.  I found some reviews online about it, some good, some bad, and one mentioning that you can get the same stuff at JoAnn Fabrics or Michael's, but it is called Fabri-Tac.  Off to JoAnn's I went.

I found the Fabri-Tac pretty easily.  I also found eleventy-billion other options for fabric adhering stuff.  I opted for the Fabri-Tac because I found a trial sized bottle.  Remember, I don't want a bunch of it hanging around if it doesn't work.

I first tried this stuff on an old pair of socks that had holes in the heels. Mending socks this way should be a breeze, I thought.  I just hate to throw something away if it can be fixed, even socks. The socks were knee-length cotton socks, Hanes I think.  I cut a rectangular piece out of one of the socks to use as a patch on the other.  I started to put glue on the patch, and noticed that it is difficult to get an even line of glue because it it rather thick.  Not so good when it dries fairly quickly.  So I decided to put some on a small area, stick it on the hole, then add some more to another area, etc.  This seemed to work better.  Success!  Or so I thought...

The instructions recommend waiting 24-48 hours before trying to wear an item that has been Fabri-Tac'd.  So I waited 24 hours.  I grabbed my newly-repaired sock and tugged on the patch. And when I say tugged, I mean tugged.  Lightly. The patch came right off.  Well this sucks, I thought.  But I was not deterred. Wayne had a pair of jeans that needed the pocket fixed.  The inside of the pocket, just the thin cotton part.  Surely Fabri-Tac could hold together a seam between two pieces of thin cotton.  So I tried again.  I had to work in small areas again, and I let it dry for 24 hours.  After 24 hours I tugged the seam of the pocket and...it easily came apart. This is when I began thinking that I was glad I only paid $3 for the trial size tube.

I decided to give it one more try.  On the sleeve of Riddick's winter coat is a velcro piece that is used to keep the bottom of the sleeve tight.  The velcro had been stitched on, but one side is about to fall off.  I tried the Fabri-Tac to glue it back until I could stitch it up, again gluing in small areas.  I waited another 24 hours.  What a complete waste.  The velcro piece came right off the sleeve.  This stuff couldn't hold two pieces of paper together.

So what is the lesson here?  Fabri-Tac is a waste of money.  I won't bother trying the Mighty Mend-It, even if you can repair and reuse a parachute.  I'll just save up my money and buy a sewing machine, and continue to use other people's machines until that day comes. Hopefully I can find something crafty to do with the rest of the bottle so it is not a complete waste.

In the beginning...

So this is my first blog.  It took me five or six tries to get this actually up and going because I was sidetracked by either Trinity or Riddick.  Ah, the joys of nursing and chocolate milk.  I contemplated starting a blog for a few days because I wondered, "Do I really have time for this?", "What if nobody likes the blog?", and "What if I don't have anything to blog about?"  In the end, I decided I would post when I had it figured out in my head what I would write, that way I could save time, which is so valuable to me these days.  I also decided it doesn't matter what other people think, because I really am just doing this for me.

I decided on my blog title, Finding the Silver Lining, because:

1. I am a very optimistic person,

2. Whenever people come to me with a problem, I usually help them see the bright side(s) of things, 

3. I try to think of things to be thankful for when I am down, and

4. I like the color silver.

So what is this blog about, you may be asking.  It is about my life, my family, my work, my random thoughts and opinions on topics large and small.  

So here's to my new blog.  I hope I enjoy writing it.  Perhaps someone out there will enjoy reading it.